Miles: 2,184.6 — The sun was out, the air was crisp, and Katahdin was finally in sight. We wandered into Baxter State Park, stopping for photos by the river and running into Hodag for the first time since Virginia. The ranger signed us in for tomorrow’s climb, and we set up camp at Katahdin Stream. I thought I’d be overflowing with emotion, but mostly I felt empty — torn between wanting this to end and never wanting it to.
We woke up to the most beautiful day we could have asked for. It was supposed to get up to 60º that afternoon and the sun shone through the clouds. It was a different sun, though, than the one we’d followed most of the trail. This sun was clearer, colder, less bright, somehow. It was more of a winter sun. We packed slowly, our tents almost dry.
Up at the Abol Bridge restaurant the pickings for breakfast were slim. Apparently, they didn’t have as much food at the ‘end of the season.’ I had some pancakes and yogurt, Miles opted for some bars in the store next door. After I ate I stocked up on snacks.
We packed up our bags and headed off into Baxter State Park (BSP). Along the way, I made Miles stop so we could take pictures every time we saw Katahdin. I tried to take it all in. I didn’t even want to be walking, I just wanted to sit next to the river we’d been following and take it all in. We hadn’t left Abol Bridge until noon, though, so we really didn’t have that much time to dilly dally. I convinced Miles to sit with me next to the river for a bit anyway. I was buzzing with anxiety and this other overwhelming feeling of nothingness. My body was so wound up and freaking out about Katahdin and the end that it switched to feeling nothing. I tried to soak in the sun and the breeze and the fall leaves. We ate by the river.
I fell asleep leaning against my pack. I was so exhausted. It was so many emotions. So many feelings to process. So much to think about. I couldn’t handle it with all of the walking too. Miles woke me up around 2pm and We decided to get moving. We walked the mostly flat path through BSP, skirting ponds all the way. When we got to Katahdin Stream Campground, the Ranger was out putting a new roof on a picnic pavilion with some forest service workers.
He motioned that he’d come down and help us in a bit.
There were other thru-hikers gathered around and we spotted Hodag! Do you remember him? The last time I saw him was in Virginia!He was so happy to see us together. The last time I’d seen him I hadn’t started walking with Miles just yet. It was actually the day before Miles and I started walking together! What a small world the trail could be sometimes. Hodag had just summited Katahdin and he was waiting for his ride into Millinocket.
We said goodbye to Hodag as the Ranger came down to help us. The ranger signed us in to our campsite and gave us red cards that would service as our permits to hike Katahdin tomorrow. He told us we had to leave no later than 10am to make it up and down in time for sunset. We promised we would. Miles and I got water from the stream, Katahdin Stream! Some of the best water I’ve ever tasted. Then we set up at our campsite, number 19.
Together we ate dinner at the picnic table, and we decided to go to bed early so that we would be well rested for Katahdin tomorrow. It was odd. I thought I’d have so many feelings at this point. But I just felt kind of empty. Maybe I had so many feelings that I couldn’t handle them all. Or maybe this was just it. We set up our tents in the gravelly campsite and began getting ready for bed. At a campsite across the way a group pulled up in their Eurovan Weekender, a van I would have loved to have and maybe foreshadow for my future. I watched as they laughed and set up their tents and got the van ready for sleeping. I realized as I watch them that people are out in the world living their lives while we’ve been out here and I didn’t even think about that this whole time.
Everything became overwhelming and empty and exhausting. I went to bed feeling drained. I didn’t want it to end and I wanted it to end all at once and all of the contradictory feelings were clashing in my head. It almost didn’t feel right being there without any of my friends. Of course, Miles was there, and he was my friend. But, you know, the people we’d started with, the groups we’d traveled with.
Tomorrow we’d climb the five miles up this mountain, five miles down, get in a car and go home. Forever. That would be that. How could it go from you’re about to walk all the way to Maine to yeah you’re just going to get in a car and go home because it’s over now? I wasn’t ready. But I also really wanted a shower and some town food…